Birth Story #3 A little background first.  This is our third child, we have two boys both born in the hospital; pitocin augmentation, epidurals, and episitomies with both.  Our decision to have an out-of-hospital birth was a big one but one we definitely felt the Lord was leading us the whole way. Well, let's see... To tell this story right I guess I really have to back up to the day before labor set in.  My check-up was on Tuesday and I was already 7 days overdue.  I had my midwife do an internal to see if there were any cervical changes.  My cervix was posterior and not even a finger tip dilated.  The only good news was that the baby's head was low and engaged.  Anxiety had already started to set in with all the what if's... "what if I risk out of birth center birth b/c I go too far beyond my due date...  what if I go into labor on the weekend while my midwife is out of town...  what if I can't handle the pain... what will people think if something happens..."  So all that kinda came to a head when I got home from my appointment Tuesday.  I had a big pity party for myself that afternoon and then finally decided that this burden didn't belong to me but to God - so I turned it over to him.  I really think that surrendering these anxieties to him was the catalyst that I needed to get this show on the road... Fast forward to the next day - Wednesday evening no rumblings, no bloody show, nothing, except my pelvis was kinda achy and I was terribly irritable all day.  I tell John that I really don't feel like going to church, that I REALLY don't feel like hearing "you hadn't had that baby yet?" "Weren't you due last week?"  "When you going to be induced?" etc... He winks and tells me as he walks out the door "we are gonna have a baby tonight..." and I just roll my eyes.  So no sooner had he and the boys walked out the door and I was standing at the sink and I felt this release of fluid.  Not a gush, just a little trickle here and there.  I wasn't sure at first if it was the real thing but when I would change positions or shift my weight, the flow would increase so I knew it must be amniotic fluid.  I felt this tiny surge of excitment inside and thought "this is it!"  I paged my midwife and I called my Mom.     My midwife called me back and told me to call her when the contractions are five minutes apart or I feel like I just need to come to the birth center for their help.  I ask her if I can take a bath (although I kinda knew the answer already) and she said she would prefer that I don't since my membranes had ruptured and she preferred that I wait until I'm at the birth center and she is confident I'm progressing well.  At this point the contractions are 20-25 minutes apart and It's about 6:00pm.     By the time John and the boys get home at 7:00 the contractions are about 15 minutes apart and getting a little strength to them - but it seemed like it was only every other contraction that was doing any work.  This seemed to be kinda a pattern for me for the rest of the labor - a strong contraction or two mixed in with an occasional baby contraction.  It was hard to decide if these counted or not.  By bedtime rolled around they were still about 15 minutes apart.     Well...  I never went to sleep - at about 10:00pm I got in the shower to see if they would slow or ease up.  They didn't seem to slow down, but they were much better in the shower.  So in my mind I'm thinking - "these contractions must not be accomplishing anything since they are better in the shower..."  It's funny the things that run through your mind while in labor... B/c now when I think back I think ...duh - they should get better in the shower, tub, water, whatever, -that is the purpose - isn't it?... At around 11:00pm the contractions seem to be pretty serious and the shower just isn't quite working like it was.  I get out and go back to bed I have a few contractions there and I'm trying to time them myself - I'm not doing a very good job - but I think they were about 7-10 minutes apart at this time.  So I wake John and tell him I'm going back to the shower and that I may need him to time some contractions and to just "be available" - well, he tries... but falls back to sleep.  From about 11:00 - 12:30 is kinda a fog to me - I must have been in the shower this entire time.  Alternating from standing, to hands and knees, to reclining and just letting the water pelt on my belly.  I had this big nice waterproof cushion in there with me - it was a lifesaver.  At about 12:30 or 1:00am I get out and go back to the bed - on the way to the bed I feel trembly and my legs are shaking...  Also during this time at the peak of each contraction I feel nauseous.  And I recognize that I could be in transition, but I convince myself that I'm not b/c it just doesn't hurt near as bad as I had imagined transition would hurt.  Don't get me wrong it was hurting - but I had prepared for the worst and my only point of reference were two pitocin induced labors, flat on my back in a hospital bed.  By the time *that sort of pain hit I was well into transition.  So around 1:00am I wake John and tell him that I think it's time to go to the birth center.  I have him call my midwife and she asks to talk to me.  I try and explain the situation as best as possible but then another contraction hits and I hand the phone to John - she hears me in the background and tells John "I will see you at the birth center."  Ok, already I'm thinking "oh what an excruciating ride that is gonna be - the birth center is about 45 minutes from here..."  Nonetheless, I tell John to get the car packed and tell his Mom to come on over.  While he's doing this I tell him I'm going to get back in the shower and he can come and get me when we are all ready and I will go straight to the car.  So back in the shower I go and a string of monstrous contractions hits, I also have a *big bloody show.  All I remember is that I can't decide whether to stand, sit, or do hands and knees, nothing is really helping.  So I guess I finally decide to just sit and ride em out - and this mighty contraction hits and before I know it I'm throwing up all over myself.  My mother-in-law has just arrived and hears this as soon as she walks in the door - I think it really kinda scared her.  I hear John in the other room say "did you just throw up?" - to which I can't even answer, and he comes in and cleans me up.    So, here we have sign number two - I'm definitely in transition as I did the throwing up, trembly thing with my first child also.  But, for some reason I'm still thinking "surely not yet?? - this is supposed to be a long torturous event that lasts all night and well into tomorrow morning."  I guess you could call all of these preceding emotions and second guessing I was doing the "self-doubt" emotional signpost from the Bradley Method - but I wasn't supposed to be doubting things in *this manner.  So right after that contraction I tell him to call our midwife back and tell her that I don't think I can make it to the birth center - mainly at this point I just don't want to...  That's my stubborn streak coming through.  It's about 2:00a.m. now.  He calls and tells her, so back and forth they go trying to decide what we are going to do and he finally asks her - "should I just pick her up and put her in the car". Meanwhile I get out of the shower b/c I feel like I have to go to the bathroom...  "this is odd.." I'm thinking...  it never occurs to me what this sensation means until it hits full force about 2 contractions later.  I hadn't really expected rectal pressure I guess.  At this point John hands the phone to me, my midwife tells me that she feels like I can make it to the birth center if I get in the back and lie on my left side ..or she can come to us - "just tell me what you want us to do..." she says...  Another contraction hits, I lay down the phone and sound through it but at the end of this one I feel this grunt rising up in my voice and definite pressure down below.  Ok, FINALLY - I realize "ok, I feel a head coming down..." And she hears me through this contraction - topped with the little grunts at the end.  She says, "Ok, we have to load up our equipment from the birth center but we will be there very soon - let me talk to John".  She tells John the same thing and that if I feel like I'm going to have this baby before she gets there to call her on her cell phone and she will "walk" him through it. Before she hangs up she tells me to get off of the toilet or I will definitely have this baby and to move to the bed, lie on my left side, and breath, sound, whatever through the contractions the best I can.  I suppose we could have had the baby without her there but for some reason I had this fear in the back of my head like - what if I'm not completely dilated and I push and tear my cervix.  I think that is what kept me from pushing.    About this time things got a little chaotic.  My mother in law is literally pacing the hall, telling us we need to call 911, go to the hospital, or at least call a physician friend of ours to come just in case.  She thought we had completely lost our minds, and admittedly it definitely felt like it for a few minutes.  But once I did relocate to the bed and realized that this baby wasn't coming without some pushing effort on my part - I felt we gained some control of the situation.  So basically I lay there for about 45 minutes resisting the urge to push.  It's funny you know b/c I never knew what "the uncontrollable urge" felt like before (epidurals with my boys) and kinda even looked forward to this sensation - well, after riding out these pushing contractions for about 45 minutes the sensation is forever burned in my brain.  But it really wasn't that bad b/c the contractions spaced out at this point and there was such relief in between - no pain at all.  The other contractions, mainly transition left me with some cramping in between.  I never felt a complete rest in between contractions like I did during the pushing stage.  So in between contractions I'm telling John what needs to be done to get ready for the birth.  I'm telling him things like "bring the birth kit back in from the car, get the shower curtain out of the guest bath and put it under the mattress cover, set up the video camera etc..." At 3:00am my midwives arrive - yeah!!  She immediately checks Kate's heartones - they are good - then she checks me and finds that I am indeed complete and repositions me on the bed for pushing.  I tried with the first push to push in a semi-upright position  but felt like I was going nowhere.  So I laid on my side and pushed - much better.   The first push wasn't bad.  But it was with the second push that I knew it was going to hurt and that I had to push past the hurt - I must say I think that took more courage than anything else I encountered during labor.  When that contraction ended all I know is I wouldn't call it the ring of fire - it was more like the tunnel of fire,  b/c I think I was stretched to the max when that darn contraction ended and it felt like FOREVER before the next one began.  I really felt most of the burning up top - that surprised me.  At this point I kinda started to lose my cool so my midwife had me repeat after her - "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" this seemingly small thing calmed me down in a huge way!  With the next contraction I again pushed through the pain until I was almost at the point where it seems it couldn't hurt any worse, then suddenly it eases, then I feel one shoulder, then another, then no pain... no pain at all! How cool is that!  What an incredible sensation! She was born at 3:21am - 20 minutes after they arrived.   She weighed 8.8 and was 21 inches long.  They lifted her up on my belly and we all just broke out in laughter!  I initially thought "how odd that we laughed.." but now I realize that our laughing was a wonderful release of emotions.  As soon as the laughter subsided John leaned down to squeeze my hand and kiss Katie's cheek and I began to cry tears of Joy. My midwife immediately lifted up a prayer of thanksgiving and praise.  When I recall the whole birth experience that moment is one of the first and fondest that floods my memory.  John and I truly felt the Holy Spirit in the room rejoicing with us.     When they first put her on my chest she was kinda tangled up.  The cord went from her belly to around her neck and back down again - so it wasn't fully around her neck.  I'm so glad I didn't know this either - my midwife has a guy who does sonograms for her who's machine has an infrared scan that can track blood flow and could have picked this up.  I almost had a late sono to check for this b/c a friend of mine recently lost a baby at 40 weeks due to a nuchal cord.  Thank goodness I decided against this or my whole birth experience would have been spoiled due to fear. After the birth my midwife ran a bath and little Kate and I got in - it felt sooo goood.  Dh leaned over the tub and washed and inspected every inch of her with me.  This tender moment will forever be with me...  Then I got out, she repaired my tear and I ate some soup in bed while they did the newborn check on the bed next to me.  I only had about a first degree tear, tore right along my prior episiotomy scar.  She fixed it with about 3 stitches.  My recovery has been so much better with this tear, as opposed to my two episiotomies. Around this time (4:00-4:30) my mother arrived from Kansas.  I was so sad she didn't quite make it in time but glad she got to be there while all the excitement was still fresh.  About this time my father in law came over, and my sister in law too.  Both of which live next door - they just happened to wake in the wee hours of the morning, look out the window and saw all our lights on and came over expecting to hear an update from the birth center - so you can only imagine their surprise when they discovered a minutes old baby and two midwives at our home!  At one time I counted that we had 9 people in the house and one very loud newborn baby and Jed and Jacob slept through every bit of it!  Not to mention my sounding... I was soooo loud.  It was a deep grunting/groaning kinda loud - no shrill shrieks or screaming but I can't believe I didn't wake them.  And I can't say enough about how well it felt to vocalize with the pain - it was kinda like I was able to send some of the pain back *out with my sounds.    Also a word to the wise about pitocin - I've decided that the reason I waited so long to go to the birth center this time was b/c I kept waiting for same caliber of pain to hit that I was having with my pitocin induced labors.  I was convinced I couldn't be far enough along b/c it wasn't "hurting bad enough" despite the fact that they were nearly on top of each other near the end.  But I didn't hit that (pit) level of pain this time until transition.  Also the contractions were different - they were kinda like several mini contractions within one big contraction - like waves almost, with a nice little crescendo at the peak.  Pit contractions, at least in my experience,were a steady unrelenting build with no relief until I literally felt like I was going to explode at the peak of it.  There was more relief this time, more of gentle stride to my own natural labor - even in the end.  The contractions were kinda like a roller coster ride - unpredictable and choppy but much more forgiving - I think.  PLUS, the pit hurt from the get go even at 2 cm's - unlike this time.  I Also found that with pit there seemed to be some cramping lingering between contractions - there was never a full resting stage.  This time it was kind of like that in the beginning, but near the end the contractions distinctly stopped and then started (of course I think this was the pushing stage).  I had such clarity of mind and ability to focus in-between.  I also found that any position EXCEPT laying or semi-reclining on my back significantly eased the pain.  I had always read this but now I'm definitely a believer. All of it was such an incredible experience and I would totally do it again tomorrow if I had the opportunity.  I so wish I had done this with my boys births.  But then again the decisions I made regarding their births are part of who I am today and fit together wonderfully to give me a well-rounded perspective.  But then again it's really like I've experienced birth for the fist time in some ways.   I believe so much is missed when you skip the hard stuff.  There weren't all these myriad of thoughts, feelings, emotions, and particularly sensations to attach to the experience - it adds much more complexity and depth to the whole experience.  And it gives me an inner knowledge and strength that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.  With my previous pitocin induced and augmented births I was never allowed to have an appreciation for the incredible strength my body possessed.  In the weeks prior to Kate's birth I even doubted my ability to labor "normally" (without artificial uterine stimulation).  The uterus is an amazing organ!  The power it is able to harness to grow, nurture, and finally thrust a little person into existence is simply profound when you really think about it...  It's almost supernatural, but at the same time we know that it's amazingly human, and so taken for granted.  What wonderful things women could discover about themselves if they were only encouraged to embrace the strength of those contractions that build and emerge from no other source than from *within.  We have this amazing power that is hidden deep within, yet birth is so intricately designed.  I guess that is what it means to be "fearfully and wonderfully made". As odd as it may sound I'm almost sad that it's over - kinda like the feeling you have after Christmas you know..  But I'm so glad that we have our little Kate and I feel so blessed with the birth experience God designed just for us.  We would have never planned it this way but He knew our hearts desire and worked it out anyway.  His way is perfect.