Birth Story 6

Birth Story #2

This last pregnancy I had Braxton Hick's like contractions in the last week of
my pregnancy. I was achy and restless and gasy and had loose stools too. On
my last day of pregnancy there was a slow shift in the way my contractions
felt to me: The braxton Hicks like contractions involved my whole abdomen.
My back was already sore so I couldn't use the front vs. back to front
differentiation. My contractions went from feeling like my whole belly was
getting hard (for a long and indefinite time and at very irregular intervals)
to deep set pains in my low abdomen and then to definite cramp like feelings
in my groin and cervix...I knew it was my cervix because I remembered what it
felt like when the baby had been kicking me there previously.

The night I went into unmistakable labor was a school night for me. I had
gone to my husband's office downtown in Chicago with our other three children
and was to drop them off at 6, go to class until 9 and then ride the train
home (a 30-45 minute trip)and get there around 10 PM. I had felt like I
needed to pee all day without any real results and I had been kind of crampy
and sore all week along with loose stools on and off so I wasn't sure with my
head that I was so close. But my heart and spirit knew. Even though I wasn't
sure, I asked my husband to hang around with the kids at a near by park or at
his office until my class was over. My mind wasn't convinced that this was
it, but my spirit kept telling me that I would regret having to take the train
home if my heart bent to fear and doubt and chose to let Louis go back home
without me.

So, during class, the transition I talked about above began. The contractions
were still irregular and seemed a half hour or more apart (though I was trying
to be a good student and pay attention to the teacher and not so much the
clock, so I can't be sure) and so I thought, well maybe I need to go to the
bathroom. I'd been having pretty serious pressure sensations for about two
weeks. I figured the Drs. were just right that my baby was "REALLY well"
engaged and that it still wasn't time. I was just close. My due date was the
7th and it was the 3rd of September, so it would make sense for me to "feel"
close, right? If only I had paid attention to my feelings earlier. I could
have been home relaxing instead of in a cramped position on an art bench
wondering...should I stay or should I go? :).

Class was over at 9:00 but I was pretty sure at 8:30 that this wasn't
just "false labor". I'm not sure that there really is such a thing anymore
actually. I think it should all be considered early labor. Maybe we could
look at it more positively then. Our bodies getting an early start and
getting us to the big day gradually instead of in a rush.
Anyway, when class ended I picked up all my gear and headed back to my
husband's office down the street. I met my him and the kids on the sidewalk
on the way and asked him to get the them back in the car while I went in to go
to the bathroom again and call my mom "just in case". You should have seen
the look on his face when I told him I wasn't sure if I was in labour. "I
think so..." I said "but I can't really tell.." I think that it was just so
fast and different than the three times before. By now it seemed the
contractions were a great deal more uncomfortable (I was really waddling
around...I felt like I was walking around my baby's head!) and about five
minutes or so apart. But I didn't have a watch on and couldn't really count.
They still didn't seem very long or hard to bear though.

Anyway, he went to the car with the kids and I went inside. I was recalling
at this point, as I headed for the bathroom one more time (obeying the
pressure I felt as my baby moved down further into my pelvis), the story Jenn
had told me about her "accidental homebirth"...not so much pain as she
expected (memories of pitocin). Felt like she had to pee really bad. I had
told my husband the week before that as soon as my cervix opens this baby is
going to just fall right out of me. So I'm thinking...what if this baby is
crowning? Oh God, help me be strong and ready for your will in this birth!

Went to the bathroom. No relief. No results. But no crowning either!!! :)
So I still had time and unfortunately still some doubt. I called my mom and
told her to get the car and dad ready in case this was it. I would try to
time my contractions a little better in the car and call her when I got home
if I was sure this was it.

In the car the contractions were getting closer and closer, five to three
minutes apart then, but the intensity wasn't a lot greater or the length of
each one either. Here...still doubt. Plus I was having a lot of trouble
concentrating on the math of it all and wasn't real sure of the time that had
lapsed between contractions. Now I was praying the whole time too. What is
this Lord? Make me sure. Help me to work with my body and make the right
decisions and wait for the right time to call the doctor and hospital and
family. I think this is another hang up us women have. Thinking that our
labours have to follow the text book to be "real" labour. Thinking this way
had given the enemy room to keep me in doubt. My mind was ruling my heart and
my heart my spirit. I still hadn't given in and given up to the real Ruler of
my spirit in this very important matter. And my anxious doubt was working on
becoming fear.

We got home and I called my mom and told her I thought they should come and
apologized for not being really sure, but wanted her to be here if this was
really it. I warned her that if this was it, then she might not make it in
time to be there for the labour. I apologized for that too.

Then I tried to call my brother, who would have to be at my house before I
left for the hospital in order for my husband to be with me the whole time. I
left a message with him that I would call him back in a half hour. I had to
pack a bag!!!...remember I thought for sure I would go "late" in my pregnancy
again? I was worried about talking to my doctors about how long they would
let me go without inducing. ....guess it wasn't so necessary. :0 But the
mind set had kept me from being as ready as I could have been. I hadn't
finished my verses book. I hadn't copied support notes for my dh into his
reminders flipbook yet. I hadn't gone over anything with him again besides
our original sharing of ideas and suggestions. I hadn't checked my e-mail for
scripture Julie had sent.
(Thanks Julie...I'm gonna keep it any way...how
precious that you were thinking and praying for me just that morning, though
I didn't know it until after our baby was born.)
I could have at least read it. But God had another lesson He thought was more
important than a memory verse or two, as helpful as those are.

A half an hour went by and the contractions were defintely five minutes or
less apart by now. My mind was clearing a bit and I had my watch on now and
my bag packed (mostly) and I was able to concentrate enough to write down the
time each time the peak hit. I was never good at telling when the contraction
really was starting...only when it was full on. I figure one peak to another
was probably as reliable at least as one start to another. Finally!!! My mind
was switching from what should be happening and what I should be doing to what
I needed to do and figuring out my own way to labour.

I'm praying through each contraction...talking really...to God. Before labour
started this time, I never thought I would be able to be calm enough in spirit
to do this, but there I was doing it any how. I'm claiming the promises we
have all been talking about from His Word. Reminding Him (myself really) of
His faithfulness. Asking Him to keep me faithful to His plan for this birth
and to my love for this baby. Please don't let me crumble and give in to fear
and pain. Be my strength through this contraction and the next. This is a
battle of my flesh and the enemy against the spirit you have given me in
Christ. Silence the "old man" you nailed to the cross for me. Bind her up and
keep her from me. Strengthen the "new man" in me to speak in your truth and
love and Spirit against her. Give me your wisdom and strength and courage.
Help me to stay true to this child and to you and to my family as a witness
and child myself as this labour progresses to transition. I admit my fear to
you of that time. I remember still the pain of my last three transitions and
the desperation I felt then....Help me Lord! Help me, please...

Okay. Now I call the hospital. No answer at the doctor's office like there
was my previous labour (silly me, I had never asked the doctor who I should
call this time), giving me the on call number for that evening. The voice
inside telling me that I could still be wrong and should talk to the doctor
first and do all these other things first before calling the hospital was
scolded into silence every time it spoke up. AMEN!!! The LORD was answering
my prayers. I dialed and told them I was in labour 2-3 minutes apart and was
coming in. Astonished at the force and sureness in my voice the nurse
said, "...um uh okay...".

I called my brother and got him finally, but he was too far away to get to our
home soon. So I went to the living room and awoke my exhausted husband who
was napping "just in case" :)in the middle of a mass of also slumbering little
bodies.
"It's time." I said, "I'm sure now and we can't wait any longer for
Pat or mom and dad. We'll have to go now and Pat (my brother)will meet us
there as soon as he can."
He was astonished at the change in my voice too and stumbled around a bit as
he took the bag I had packed and our three kids down to the car while I made
some last minute calls to bring Louis' mom down from Wisconsin and Louis' best
friend to the north side from the south side of Chicago for his big event. I
was pretty sure now that no one else would make it, but strangely I wasn't
worried about it any more. As that "old man" tried to fill my head with what
ifs...God's Spirit in me reminded me that He is sufficient. In Him is the
fulness of the Godhead bodily. In Him I am complete. He will gently lead
them that HAVE (taking this as having right now, in birth) young. He is with
me always. He will carry me through this. He died for me. He rose for me.
He is faithful, even when I believe not, because He can not deny Himself.
This is His Operation in me. Those who fear the Lord are blessed. He is
their help and their shield.

We got in the car and were on the way. We were rushing though the hospital
was only five minutes away, because I knew and told my husband it wouldn't be
long now. This was going to be fast. But I wasn't scared. I was thanking
God (even now!!! Even as the intensity of the contractions finally started to
grow) that He had sent me to all of you...that He had given me so much
knowledge to renew my mind...and support and encouragement to refresh my
heart...and such an abundance of truth and love and wisdom to strengthen my
spirit.

I got to the hospital and had to check in at emergency myself while my husband
parked the car and brought our boys in and waited for my brother to arrive and
take over watch of them. I was admitted, went to the labor/delivery floor
and suite all "alone". I was surprised at the presence of mind and confidence
I still had to request all I had laid out previously in my labor plan. They had already gotten me into my "gown" and started to set up the room as I told them I wanted the labouring pool (tub)
and they had to switch me to another room. Before I would have felt badly but
just followed them matter of factly while they exchanged glances and
shruggingly and smilingly oblidged.

Once there, I got a hep lock for my antibiotics and they started the first
round. I got hooked up for the initial hour long fetal and mother
monitoring. All my vitals were checked and I went through the manditory Q and
A with one nurse as my doctor came in to check where we were in labour. A
full 5 cm and at 0 station. Another prayer answered!!! I was definitely in
active labour though the edge of the contractions was bearable and my mood was
light and cheery between peaks. I was as surprised as the nurses at this
attitude and the doctor and nurses were all surprised that I was so far along
already and that I was still so good humored despite the intensity of the
contractions they were reading on the monitor. The doctor nodded at the nurses
with a shrug and a smile (a lot of that going on)and they all commented that
they didn't think it would be long and that I may not get both doses of
antibiotics or to use the tub tonight. I had arrived in the room at 11:35 PM
and by about 12:10 or so my contractions had gotten to 1 and a 1/2 to 2 min
apart.

Somehow my focal point became the clock on the wall with the second hand by
then :). Still I wasn't worried. Still there was this peace. I just knew
inside that it may be even shorter than the nurses and doctor expected. I
couldn't get comfortable physically. I felt restless but didn't feel like I
could get my body to move out of the position I was in. I was getting pretty
sure that I wouldn't make it through the first hour of monitoring to when they
would change me over to the ambulatory monitor I would use in the tub. I was
very sure that they would never get the tub filled by the time I would be
pushing. It was a big tub!!! :) Nothing would go exactly as planned that
night. I knew it. My heart resounded with my spirit though. AMEN!!! It's
okay!!! He is sufficient!!!

It felt so good. :):):):):):):):):) To trust in my Lord!!!

Well, around the time they were switching me over to the ambulatory monitor
and offering me a birthing ball or a trip to the bathroom ( they could see my
restlessness and hear my moans of discomfort by now) my husband finally came
in. Oh to see his face!!! And it was confident though questioning with the
same intensity of excitement as I was feeling now. I filled him in on where
we were and he sat beside me and held my hand and smiled at me lovingly. He's
not much of a talker but I could see the Lord working in his heart as I had
asked in prayer so fervently. He was there with me and was confident and
hopeful and ready. Oh God. Thank you!!! I don't think I stopped singing
that out all night ...right along with help me, help me, help me's at the
peaks of contractions which were pretty intense by now.

About the contractions. They were intense only at the peak. It was that the
urge to bear down was already strong. It hurt to resist. There was so much
pressure and the peaks were piggy backing. I was begging God aloud through
each urge to help me and be my strength and silently to stop my body from
pushing until the time was right, protect my body and baby, and help us
progress and thrive in this together. I was also able to talk with my dh
this time. Though I think the time between contractions was shorter than with
the other births they seemed longer. It was almost like time and thought
about everything else were stilled in those moments. I just looked at my
husband and murmered requests for touch and hugs and snuggles and words. Not
ashamed. Not feeling as though I asked to much of him or anyone else. I was
absorbed in our togetherness and in the Lord's presence there and in the
anticipation of SUCH an event!!! God is so good, God IS. Period.

The nurses thought I was talking to them when I was talking to God...screaming
at one point...but it didn't really hurt to do that either. I just felt a
huge release as I gave up my weakness and labour to Him. I realized around
this time (slow learner that I am) that He just wanted me to trust in Him
alone. He would provide the support and technical help and time and place and
experience and strength for me. I just had to let go and let it happen.

The nurses around me couldn't answer my cries. My husband was with me but in
the midst of it all just like me wrapped up in me...my one flesh...he is
precious! But only God is sufficient to be all I need and desire in one Body
and Spirit!!! He is the LIVING God!!!

I still hit a wall in this waiting. I asked the nurse to check me because I
was sure I was so close to having this baby. I felt desperate to bear down!!!
I thought it was hard to deal with before on pain meds....but the intensity of
my body's push toward delivery was astounding! (Don't ever let anyone tell
you your body is not able to do the work it was designed to do. :)!!!) So I
was at 9 cm at the peak of contractions now (12:50 or so I'm guessing....I had
forgotten the clock by now, you'll imagine :)!), but there was a lip on my
cervix at both sides. No pushing yet. Ugh. She suggested they break my
waters so that I would get to full dilation and pushing faster. I was at the
wall like I told you. The enemy took another opportunity and I submitted to
the idea. But God was in control and it never happened.

The intensity of fighting and straining against the urge to push was taking
its toll on my already sore and tired (from the last weeks of pregnancy) back
and I asked to be helped into another position. They got me on my left side,
informing me that it was too far along now to get me up, though I wanted to
stand. I think they were sure that I wouldn't be able to resist pushing or
that gravity would do the job too quickly if I did.

I was checked again at my asking by a resident who was assisting on the floor
that night and then by my doctor to decide if she agreed that it would be okay
for me to start pushing now. I still had a bit of a lip, but she thought that
she could ease it around the baby if we were careful in pushing (anyone
giggling here?). I was so relieved that I would be allowed to push finally
that I had no second thoughts.

As soon as the next urge hit its highest intensity, I beared down as the
doctor supported my leg and my husband lovingly applied counterpressure to my
hips and low back. The love in his eyes! I felt so surrounded by love and
comfort and so supported! I can't remember seeing anything around me at this
point...in the seconds of this contraction...the one contraction...the room
spun and froze at the same time and all I could do was feel. My heart and my
mind and my spirit were all focused and present and for an instant I felt what
it was like be let go of by the flesh and to worship fully in spirit,feeling
its reality.

Then I felt the rush of a little life in a little body sweep out of me in two
stages...one push put baby up to the shoulders into this world and then a
second brought out the rest. The doctor shook her head in amazement and
muttered her awe at the ease of the delivery even when it went so quickly.
There had to be trauma...somewhere...

But the baby was healthy and pink and crying loudly! I was so anxious and
eager to meet this little child. Praising/thanking God loudly in my heart and
soul! But then, when I saw this baby the first time...O GOD!!!...a girl!
It's a girl!!! My heart burst and I yelled it out to all the floor and to all
the world!!! All the joy and thanksgiving and peace and hope flooded out of me
in relief and happiness and glow and energy. Who knew it could be like this
and who knew I would be so rewarded in His work?

I was awake and alert through it all. No interventions. I didn't even get my
second round of antibiotics. The devil didn't get his PROM. The doctor went
away with incredulity written all over her face...smiling from ear to
ear...there was no damage to my cervix, vagina, uterus or perinium. The
placenta was intact. The baby was healthy. Blood work later revealed that
her blood was free of infection. And she was so beautifully shaped and with
such clear skin because of the quick delivery. No trauma anywhere, though all
searched for it and were surprised by the lack of it. The nurses walked away
surprised at my alertness...saying I didn't even look like I had just had a
baby...and they were glad to have had the chance to attend a non-medicated
birth, which they said were few and far between in their experience.

God is so good!!! Was it Julie who said that we had the promise of a safe and
healthy delivery? That the baby and mother would be guarded? Such good news
and so true that the Lord has hope and an expected end for us in all things!!!

HE IS FAITHFUL!!! HE IS MERCIFUL!!! HE IS GRACEFUL!!! He was with me fully.
He delivered me from my fears and the hand of the enemy. He gave me not only
what I needed through out but what we all desperately wanted. A little girl!!!

And now my boys can know how He answers prayers too! James and Bryan and Josh
now have a little sister. Born at 1:10AM at 7 lbs. and 7 oz. the nurses
called her "lucky" but I let them know she's blessed! We all are. At
20inches long, they called her strong and healthy, but I let them know she is
cared for and loved! We all are.

Little Faith Anne's birth has taught me the lesson of her name. I don't
believe I could ever falter in my faith in Christ again. He IS sufficient.
But I KNOW, I have experienced, that even if I do waver in my belief, HE
ABIDETH FAITHFUL. He can do all things. (I'm talking to those mothers to be
that have posted recently and any others who will benefit from hearing it...)
When you hit a wall of fear and doubt during your labor (I did all three times)
and you feel like you can't do it. You are right. And it's okay! HE does
it. He does it all. He will deliver the child from your womb. It is He that
does a good work in you and through you and for you and to His glory. Trust
in Him and you will not be ashamed. AMEN!!! GOD is GOOD!!! and HE is more
than able to do exceedingly abundantly above.

He delivered me right along with my little baby girl! He will deliver you too
if you put your life and your child's life in His hands.

To my sisters...may He bless you with His awesome presence and peace and love
and truth. May He give you knowledge and the understanding to impart it
wisely. May He renew your minds and spirits with His Truth and Grace and Mercy
daily. May He keep you and yours and enrich you and your ministries for Him
greatly.

Kathy